The Talk

One of childhood’s least favorite chores is enduring uncomfortable conversations with parents. Fewer conversations are more awkward than that talk about sex—for both sides. I remember my talk. My dad brought out the birds and bees by fingering flowerbed diagrams while we weeded. His deadpan narration tied biology with a slideshow of horror.

Surprise! It’s not just nail-grit that’s going to make you uncomfortable today!

The horrible thing  I didn’t realize then was that this conversation comes back around full circle. It’s right there on page 46 of Dad’s heart surgery recovery book.

“So, Dad, when you and Mom—“ Nope, can’t do it.

Luckily that’s not a conversation I have to have today; Dad barely has the energy to raise his chair. That’s okay, there are plenty of uncomfortable conversations I’ll need to have with both of my parents. Like this gem today:

“Mom, what if the next emergency is worse, or—God forbid—what if you both are hurt. How do we handle your finances, so you don’t have to worry?”

No, I don’t want this talk any more than I wanted Dad to draw dirt vaginas, but here I am. And thank God I get this chance. Serious as a heart attack: what if the surgery had gone wrong, or we hadn’t had the blessing of surgery at all? Would Mom be able to wallow through the day to day of bills and payments? Isn’t that what family is for? To help? But how can I help if I don’t know what to do with what I have?

So I sat with Mom and Dad and asked the hard questions about where things went and what happened next. In my case, I was pleasantly surprised. My parents had all the answers; systems were in place so I could step in, should I need to. That isn’t always the case. I have one friend whose parents left him in the weeds. None of us want to grieve, but questions and surprises only make things harder than the talk we should have had when there’s time.

Thank you, God, for giving us the opportunity to have the talk. Now, next week I’ll fly home to my Queen. My dad is doing better than I could hope. I can trust that he will be fine in Mom’s capable hands. And maybe I can skip that sex talk all together.